CHILD CUSTODY DURING THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC

Posted on by Kristen Anders Bojarski

Governor Tom Wolf issued a Stay At Home order on March 23, 2020 for many counties in Pennsylvania, including Allegheny County.  It is only a matter of time before the entire state will be ordered to stay at home as well.  If you have a custody order of court that provides for shared or partial custody between you and the other parent, there are 4 crucial things you need to know.

Child custody exchanges when you are supposed to “Stay at Home”

On March 24, 2020, Judge Clark, the president judge of Allegheny County, issued an order providing that all custody orders entered before the judicial emergency was declared as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic are to remain in full force and effect.  Governor Wolf’s office has also confirmed that his Stay at Home order does not prohibit travel necessary to effectuate a custody order.

This means that despite the Stay at Home order, you must continue to follow your custody schedule as ordered.  You are permitted to take the children to the other parent’s house and vise versa, meet at exchange locations, etc.  The Stay at Home order does NOT permit you to withhold custody of the children from the other parent.  Whatever you were doing before COVID-19, keep doing it!

Child custody exchange time confusion

A lot of child custody orders state that that the child custody exchange is to occur before or after school, i.e. “The children are with Mother after school until Wednesday before school and with Father from Wednesday after school until Thursday before school.” When are you supposed to exchange custody of the children when school is closed, and you are now WFH or not working at all?

First, look at your custody order – does it have a catchall exchange time for days when there is no school?  If so, follow that.  If it doesn’t, what do you normally do during the summer when there is no school or when there is a random day off from school?  If there is a status quo for how you handled these issues pre-COVID-19, then follow that.  Courts love the status quo- follow the status quo!

If a status quo has never been established, it’s been my experience that judges tend to lean towards a morning exchange time when it addressing these kinds of disputes.

Emergency child custody situations

The courts are closed, but procedures have been put in place to handle child custody emergencies.  Most custody disagreements (such as exchange times) are not emergencies.  Things like kidnapping and child abuse are emergencies.  If you think you have an emergency or are not sure, contact us and we will discuss it with you.

Courts are closed now, but they will reopen soon

You’ve heard the saying to be careful what you put in writing, because the writing could end up before a judge one day.  The same is true for your behavior during the COVID-19 crisis.  One day soon the courts are going to reopen, and judges are going to pay attention to how parents behaved during this pandemic.  Don’t use the COVID-19 pandemic as an excuse to withhold child custody from the other parent.  Do your best to cooperate with each other and coparent for the sake of the children.  Follow your custody order!

As more information becomes available to us, we will pass it on to you.  If you have questions about your custody order or other family law matter, visit our website for information on how we are staying in touch with our clients during the COVID-19 pandemic.

 

Child Custody Lawyers Can Help Victims of Domestic Violence Protect Themselves and Their children

Posted on by Barbara J. Shah

You’re not alone

According to an article by Jennifer O’Neill in the February 2016 issue of Good Housekeeping magazine, Domestic violence is “a quiet epidemic.”  Though most of them are in plain sight, the victims are often “invisible,” as they deny the situation and pretend to live in a happy home.

But the statistics reveal a shocking reality.  Every nine seconds, a woman in America is assaulted or beaten, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.  O’Neill notes that a mind-boggling one in three women and one in four men has been a victim of physical brutality by an intimate partner, making intimate partner violence “the single greatest cause of injury to women,” according to the DVIP – Domestic Violence Intervention Program.

These statistics do not come as a surprise to us.  We’ve had many clients who are not upfront with us about the abuse they’ve endured. Even though they might be in the process of divorce or custody litigation opposite their abuser, they feel afraid or ashamed to talk about the abuse.  Once we’ve established a strong attorney/client relationship, however, these clients feel comfortable enough to confide in us, which helps us to better advocate on their behalf.

To illustrate the scope of the domestic violence problem, O’Neill explains, the number of women killed by a current or former male partner added up to nearly DOUBLE the soldier lives lost in war in Afghanistan and Iraq over the same 11-year time frame. Despite the alarming statistics, Amy Sanchez, director of Break the Cycle, suggests that as a society we often close our eyes to it.  Unlike heart disease or smoking, domestic violence is often considered a “private issue,” or a “family matter,” and people don’t talk about it.  In fact, according to the DVIP, the majority of marriages WILL include some violence; the FBI estimates that violence will occur during the course of 2/3 of all marriages.

It seems like domestic violence incidents are a regular headline in the news

Domestic violence and its impact on children

According to a publication in 2014 by the Childhood Domestic Violence Association, children from homes where there is violence are much more likely to experience significant psychological problems, both short and long term.  Many of them meet the diagnostic criteria for PTSD, and the effects on their brains are similar to that suffered by combat veterans.  Living with violence even ages a child’s DNA, aging them prematurely 7-10 years. Those children who grow up with domestic violence are 74% more likely to commit a violent crime against someone else.

Leaving a domestic violence situation

Obviously, removing children from an environment where there is domestic violence would appear to be the solution, but the answer is far from easy.  For one thing, only 34% of women injured by their domestic partner receive medical care for their injuries, and even fewer get law enforcement involved.  Just 25% of domestic physical assaults against women are reported to the police annually. Sometimes, the reason women stay in abusive relationships is fear of death or serious injury, if they leave.  Women are 70 times more likely to be killed in the 2 weeks after leaving than at any other time during the relationship, according to the DVIP.  And for the half of women who DO manage to leave abusive partners, an estimated 98% of abused women also experience “financial abuse,” in which their partner controls all of the money. Leaving will often cause abuse victims to lose their jobs, so they may escape, but with no income or financial resources.

However, it is important for victims of domestic violence to know that they have rights and resources available to them.  In Allegheny and surrounding counties, there are shelters that women and children can stay in if they are in danger.  These shelters are in confidential locations, and the courts are required to keep their locations secret in custody, divorce and child support proceedings.  Some of these shelters even have programs that allow women and their children to reside in apartments or houses (also at secret locations), for minimum rent to enable to the victim of domestic violence to get back on her feet and learn to live independently from her abuser.

Because the courts keep these locations secret, women should not fear that filing for child and/or spousal support will lead their abuser to them.  In addition, the Allegheny County Family Division, it’s satellite offices, and the Washington County Courthouse have many Sherriff’s deputies on standby.  If there is a concern that an incident will occur at a child/spousal support proceeding, we simply have to notify the court ahead of time, and they will make sure that deputies are nearby and watching.

Domestic violence victims shouldn’t be afraid to obtain a PFA

Among the 1 in 15 kids exposed to domestic violence, a heartbreaking 90% are eyewitnesses, who will feel the effect of it for their entire lives.  Assuming the mother of the children is able to take the children and leave her abuser, the abuser will often turn to the courts to continue his abuse.

As noted above, it is usually the abuser who has the superior financial resources, and they often use them to battle their ex-partners in court. Protection From Abuse (PFA) orders are required to be obtained almost immediately upon the experience of a threat or domestic violence, but as we know, most victims don’t report these assaults to the authorities or delay in doing so, thus robbing the courts of jurisdiction to enter them.

Victims should not refrain from attempting to obtain a PFA just because they think the court wouldn’t grant one, however.   In most cases, the court will grant Temporary PFA’s for a period of 10 days.  This means that the victim has at least 10 days in which the abuser is prohibited from contacting them before a final hearing on the PFA is held; this small window in time can enable the victim to secure housing for herself and the children, as well as file for child support.    At the time of the final PFA hearing, the PFA Plaintiff (the victim) is provided a lawyer for free to represent them at that final PFA hearing.  These lawyers are very qualified and experienced in handling PFA matters.

Domestic violence issues are a challenge in custody cases…

In custody cases, however, there usually is not enough funding to provide free lawyers for victims in custody cases, at least not in Allegheny and Washington counties.  When represented by an effective lawyer, abusers often deny the problem, making it a he-said-she-said  issue. Even in cases in which children appear in court in these custody or visitation issues, the mothers are often accused of instilling false stories in children’s minds to turn them away from the other parent.  It is essential that the victim of domestic violence have a child custody lawyer represent her.

We’ve found that there is such a strong inclination by the courts to see every case as a potential shared custody case, it can be difficult to get the court to focus on the very real issue of domestic violence and its effects on children, as well as the potential effects of allowing the abuser to have unsupervised custody of his children.

Very few courts have funding available to appoint a guardian ad litem (independent spokesperson) for children involved in custody disputes, or the funds to get unbiased studies on the parents and children by psychologists.  Supervised custody programs are also rare, because there is simply no source of funds for provide safe visiting arrangements for most of these families.  In fact, there often appears to be an unwillingness by judges to restrict contact between children and abusive parents, under the theory that “children deserve time with both parents.”

…but not insurmountable!

Fortunately, this is a problem that PA is starting to recognize in determining awards of custody. In 2011, a new custody statute was enacted which requires the court to consider the safety of the child as the most weighted factor in determining awards of custody.  The court must also consider “the present and past abuse committed by a party or a member of the party’s household, whether there is a continued risk of harm to the child or an abused party, and which party can better provide adequate safeguards and supervision of the child” whenever making a determination of an award of custody. So, when a parent is abusive towards the other parent or the children, the court must consider whether there is a continued risk of harm to the child and decide which party would adequately protect and safeguard the child from further abuse.  The custody statute also provides that in cases of domestic violence where safety measures are necessary to protect the child from harm, the courts cannot consider such measures an attempt to turn the child against the abusive parent. (See 23 Pa S.C.A_§ 5328)

The requirement that the courts consider the safety of the child is often at war with its need to fashion some kind of custody schedule.  Unless there are cases of extreme abuse, the courts are unlikely to prohibit the abusive parent from seeing the child at all.   This is a particular challenge considering the lack of facilities and organizations available to provide supervised visits.

We’ve found that if we can come up with a creative solution that will ensure the safety of the child but that allows time for visitation, the court will often grant it.  In many cases, we request that a trusted family member or friend be present for the visits, or visitation in a public place.

As your child custody lawyers, WE CAN HELP!

If you’re a victim or family member of a victim of domestic violence, don’t try to go it alone.  You should schedule at least a consultation appointment to learn what avenues of assistance are available to victims of domestic violence and their children.  We can help file for both child and spousal support.  We are experienced child custody lawyers, experienced in fighting for survivors of domestic violence and their children in court.  We are familiar with counseling and other kinds of services available for those who are coming out of a domestic violence situation.  We’re here to help.

 

 

Dispute between Parents over Football Leads to Custody Litigation

Posted on by Barbara J. Shah

Can one parent overrule the other parent on the question of a teenager playing football?

  A Pittsburgh-area Dad wound up in court in his attempt to prevent his youngest son form playing high-school football.  Alarmed about the link between football and long-term brain damage, John Orsini tried to persuade his ex-wife to prohibit their youngest son from playing high school football.  When she refused his request, she noted that he should be allowed to continue playing because he understood the risks. She thought Dad was just being overprotective.  However, as the former head of a leading divorce lawyer association stated, the “football controversy” is actually a real medical issue.

Courts have tried to stay out of micro-managing custody disputes

So what was Orsini to do?  Local Family Court Judges strongly favor a joint or shared legal custody situation, in which important decisions are shared between parents who are separated or divorced, although physical custody arrangements which set forth the days or times the children stay with which parent may be substantially different.   However, the courts have been reluctant to get involved in decision-making relating to the children, finding that a slippery slope that encourages “revolving door” parents to come back again and again for little disputes, particularly when there is high conflict between the parents. A few years ago, Family Courts began to use “parent coordinators,” specially -trained mediators who would work with the parents and try to resolve their differences, but when agreement could not be reached, the parent coordinator was empowered to choose the position that he or she felt was best for the child.  The law which was passed to enable this procedure gave the disappointed parent the right to challenge that decision by asking the judge of the case to hold a hearing on the issue. However, within a year or two after the law was passed, the PA Supreme Court declared it unconstitutional.  Back to the drawing board.

The struggle over football is a serious issue

As reported by the New York Times on March 5, 2018, it is impossible to say precisely how many disputes over football are occurring in family courts, but it is clear that across the nation there have been increases in custody litigation related to children playing football (or hockey).  In Orsini’s case, Orsini has always been an enthusiastic supporter of football; their oldest son plays football in college. However, his view of the game changed when their second son experienced 3 sport-related concussions. Orsini felt that his son’s doctors were taking them too lightly, when they kept releasing him to play, telling Orsini that there was no medical evidence that his son should not continue to play.  Having worked as an attorney, he felt that the doctors were less than forthcoming about the risks.  He undertook research and found, among other things, that Boston University researchers reported cognitive problems in boys who began playing tackle football before the age of 12.  He instructed the school to prohibit their son  from practicing and playing football, on the ground that he and his ex-wife had joint legal custody.  Initially the school complied with his request.

What remedies are available to parents who disagree?

Orsini’s ex-wife, Janice, filed an emergency request in Family Court to allow their son to play football, arguing that she was just trying to maintain the status quo.  Mr. Orsini came to court and argued that playing football should not be considered the status quo, since their middle son had already suffered three concussions, and that common sense, together with the results of research on the brains of young boys, dictated that the son’s best interests would best be served by not permitting their youngest son to play football.  Initially, the judge allowed Mr. Orsini’s ban to stand, but 3 weeks later when Mrs. Orsini filed a petition to gain sole legal custody of their son related to this issue, the judge agreed with her and agreed to let the boy resume playing football while the case went through the regular process required of petitions for modification of custody.  The case is now going through the mediation process, but no positions have changed.  It is likely that it will be scheduled for trial at which point the judge will have to choose which parent should have legal custody to decide whether the child can play football.  In the process, the parents’ relationship, already contentious, has been badly strained, and the sons now rarely speak with their father.  The case has dragged on, and Mr. Orsini fears that if he can’t stop his son from continuing to play football, that he is on track to have serious brain damage done.

No solution seems close for this dispute.

How to Have a Peaceful Thanksgiving When you Share Custody – by Kristen Anders Bojarski, Esquire

Posted on by Kristen Anders Bojarski

I love this time of year.  While Christmas is my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving is wonderful too.   It is a time to take a step back and reflect on everything we have to be thankful for.  I am thankful for my husband who understands me better than anyone.  I am thankful for my two fur-kids (although they are not thankful for each other).  I am thankful for my parents and my two sisters, all of whom I am very close with.  I am thankful that I have the type of friends who would drop everything in case I needed them.  I am very thankful and so fortunate to have three wonderful grandparents still living.  I am thankful to be a part of a profession that makes me proud.  I am thankful that my mother and my in-laws do most of the Thanksgiving cooking!

Reflect

As a child custody lawyer, my message to you this Thanksgiving is to step back and reflect on all of the things that you have to be thankful for.  Look at the positive side of things for once.  Although you and your ex did not work out, he or she was a part of creating the children that you have together.    When dealing with an ex that you hate, it can be hard to feel anything but anger towards them.  This Thanksgiving, set side your anger and be grateful that if nothing else, you have beautiful children together.

Be Respectful

When exchanging custody, be respectful and follow the custody order that you have in place.  If you have no custody order, then abide by the terms of the verbal agreement you both have hopefully agreed to by now.  At the same time, be flexible.  If you and your ex split the Thanksgiving holiday, and your ex is running a little late for the exchange, don’t give them a hard time about it.

Be Gracious

If your ex is remarried, be thankful that your child has another person taking on a parental role.  You will never be replaced as the child’s parent, so put aside your jealousy and be thankful that your children have another person to love them and take care of them, and that you have another person who is willing to take on some childcare responsibilities.

Be Thankful

Show your children that you are thankful for their other parent and stepparent.  It would mean the world to them.  It is an enormous burden for children, especially at holidays, to have to worry about hurting their parent’s feelings by loving the other parent or stepparent.  Give them a break.  If you show that not all your feelings towards your ex are hateful, and that you are thankful for them, it relieves a lot of pressure.

Teach Your Children to Be Thankful

Finally, teach your children to be thankful.  In this society, so many people have a sense of entitlement, especially children. When they go out into the real world, it is a shock when they come to realize that nothing is going to be handed to them.  If children appreciate what their parents provide for them (whether it is a lot or a little) and they are taught to value relationships with people rather than things, chances are they will be happy, productive members of society.

Thank you, friends, for taking the time to read my Thanksgiving message.  While you are dealing with the hustle and bustle of the holiday, and dealing with an ex, just remember to be thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Avoid Custody Issues on Halloween by Talking to Your Custody Lawyer

Posted on by Kristen Anders Bojarski

Sharing custody at Halloween doesn’t have to be all “Double, Double, Toil and Trouble!”

The entire month of October is such a fun time of year for children.  It is a month full of fall festivals, pumpkin-picking and hayrides, topped off with dressing up in a costume and trick-or treating in the neighborhood on Halloween.  It seems that every year, however, some children’s Halloween fun gets spoiled because their parents have a disagreement over some Halloween-related matter.  If you think you are going to experience some problems this Halloween, do yourself (and your kids) a favor and talk to your custody lawyer about them ahead of time.  In the meantime, here are some tips:

Be Specific in Your Custody Agreement to Avoid a “Ghoulish” Argument

Make sure that your custody agreement regarding Halloween (and all other  holidays) clearly states which parent is to have the children on Halloween, and at what times.  Depending on where you reside, your agreement might need to specify whether “Halloween” means October 31, or whether it means the date your neighborhood has trick-or-treating.  If the agreement is not clear, talk to your child custody lawyer about this.

Lack of Communication is a Nightmare

If you and the other parent are going to take the children trick-or treating together, make sure to communicate about the details in advance.  Know which neighborhood you are going to take the children trick-or-treating, where you are going to meet, which one of you is going to get the kids ready, etc.  Avoid a potential situation where you and your ex are left arguing in front of the kids because you weren’t able to communicate effectively.

Don’t be a Petty Pumpkin!

Try not to argue about things like Halloween costumes.  If your ex chooses a costume for your child that you absolutely hate, then pick your own costume and go trick-or-treating on a different day in a different neighborhood if it is that important to you. What good would come out confronting your ex about their terrible (to you) choice of costume?  Nothing, except hard feelings.  When co-parenting, you must pick your battles.  This is true for separated and intact families alike.

Avoid Howling at the Other Parent

If it is your ex’s turn to have the children for Halloween this year, and you just know that he or she will allow the kids to stay up too late, eat way too much Halloween candy, watch scary movies that you don’t approve of, etc., it’s time to get over it.  Unless there is a real safety concern, you can’t control what happens during your ex’s custody time.  Every parent has their own parenting style.  Different doesn’t always mean wrong.

Don’t be Afraid to Take the Big Issues to Court Ahead of Time

If there is a bigger issue, such as one parent doesn’t believe in celebrating Halloween for religious reasons, then you must speak with a child custody lawyer.  The custody lawyer would probably tell you that in most cases, parents share legal custody, meaning that they both have to agree on legal custody matters.   While a judge may grant one parent legal custody to make decisions on behalf of the children in very specific situations, it is unlikely a judge will do so when there is a dispute about religion. Lots of parents have different religious views.  In those families, it is actually a benefit for the children to learn different views, and even more of a benefit when they observe their parents tolerating and even respecting each other’s views.

So this Halloween, don’t be haunted by conflict.  Communicate with the other parent in advance to make sure you are both on the same page.  If you expect that there will be issues, talk to your custody lawyer.

 

 

 

Rethinking Equally Shared Custody Arrangements

Posted on by Barbara J. Shah

In Pennsylvania, until the 1970’s, when parents of children under the age of 18 separated, the “tender years doctrine” applied.  That meant that there was a presumption in the law that children “of tender years” were better off with their mothers as their primary custodians.  It also meant father were relegated to the role of “visitors,” and that the custody arrangements for fathers were known as “visitation,” generally something like every other weekend and a dinner visit or two during the week, and some sharing of holiday custody.   In order to obtain  “primary custody” of his children, a father had to prove that the children’s mother was “an unfit mother.”  Do these phrases sound familiar?  Well, they shouldn’t, because for the last 40 years or so, the “tender years doctrine” has been outlawed in Pennsylvania, since PA adopted an equal rights amendment to its constitution.

That is not to say that PA courts enthusiastically accepted the demise of the “tender years” doctrine automatically.  The same judges who had been automatically awarding custody of children to mothers were still on the bench, some of them for many years thereafter.  It was as if even though a new custody law was adopted which required that “the best interests of the child” be considered by the courts in awarding custody, the scales seemed to tip in favor of mothers for quite a while.   After all, mothers could proudly claim, they had been the stay-at-home parent for the children for their whole lives, and the fathers didn’t know the first thing about parenting.  Well, that was then and this is now.

As we know, married women with children have been entering the workforce in great numbers during the last 40 years.  More good-paying jobs have opened for women, and women have for some time been a growing part of college and professional education students.  When I began my college education many years ago, the ratio of “boys” to “girls” on campus was something like 4 to 1.  Now is it often 50-50, and in some areas of higher education women outnumber men.  Men have in many cases stepped up to the task of co-parenting children with their wives.   However, another trend that has affected families is the sheer number of divorces and out-of-wedlock births which have made the old profile of mother-father relationships nearly obsolete.

Judges have changed too.  The old judges have died or retired, and the new breed of judges, raised in the latter part of the 20th century or the first part of the 20th century, don’t usually tip the scales in favor of mothers any more.  Despite the shrill claims of “Fathers’ Rights” groups, there is no presumption based on gender.  Ask any lawyer who practices family law primarily (or solely); they will tell you that when they first meet a judge or other court officer in a custody situation, the judges expect them to offer some kind of equally shared custody arrangement between mother and father, or be prepared to explain/fight for some other arrangement.   The “Ackerman plan,” or 5-5-2-2- custody arrangements, came into vogue around the turn of the century, and these have been enshrined as ideal custody arrangements for all children, along with shared legal custody (shared decision-making) of the children.

.  Another development which pushed this movement along was the adoption in PA of modified child support guidelines that gave a break in child support payments to support obligors with 40% or more overnights with the children.

So this social experiment has been happening for some time, and how it is working?  As lawyers concerned for the welfare of children involved in custody disputes, our observation is that the results are mixed at best.  We are delighted when we are able to assist an involved and caring parent in obtaining substantial custody time with the children, be it the mother or the father. What we are less delighted with is that the less experienced judges whom we appear in front of in child custody cases seem to have adopted a general presumption that equally shared custody is best for everyone. What that means is that when equally shared custody does not appear to fit this family well, we have to work (and spend large quantities of clients’ money) to overcome this unspoken “presumption.”  It was not contained in the recently-modified PA custody law. One size fits all is not for every family.  What the 5-5-2-2 schedule means for children is that they have a lot of adjustments to make, and they bear the brunt of the going back and forth between households several times a week.  In a recent article in the local legal journal, a Pittsburgh area family lawyer recounts the experience of being one of those children in a situation where the parents or the court adopted a 5-5-2-2 custody schedule for her and her younger siblings.  In her case, her parents refused to communicate directly, and it put the crushing burden on her, a young teenager, trying to find her place in the world, to make any schedule changes or accommodations between the parents, to make this schedule “work.”  In her mind, because of non-cooperation and non-communication between her parents, this schedule was unfair to the children.  Don’t get me wrong, there are lots of advantages to children of a custody schedule which permits them substantial contact with both caring and loving parents, when they are able to cooperate.  Children’s mental health is more stable when both parents are actively involved in their lives. It’s when one parent is so angry or bitter at the other parent and insists on sharing “his” or “her” side of the marital dispute with the children in an attempt to turn them against the other parent, that this kind of arrangement breaks down.  Cooperation and co-parenting is a must for shared custody arrangements to work well for the children.

It would be good if judges, rather than reflexively suggesting an equal overnight custody schedule for every family, took the parents’ ability and/or willingness to cooperate and communicate into account more often, in thinking about custody arrangements.   That would be in the children’s’ best interests.

3 Mistakes to Avoid When Hiring a Family Law Attorney

Posted on by Barbara J. Shah

Family law attorneys are experts in many different issues. They’ve dedicated their practice to helping families solve problems and create solutions. Whether you’re facing divorce or are in the process of adopting, an attorney can assist you. When seeking the help of an attorney, there are a few common mistakes that people make. Avoiding these mistakes ensures that you retain proper representation and that your legal troubles are handled correctly.

Waiting too long to hire an attorney

Many people wait too long to hire an attorney. Instead of searching out the right representation as soon as the situation calls for it, they wait to see how things play out. Maybe they think that they can work things out without an attorney or maybe they spend too much time researching which attorney to hire. Either way, it’s important to hire an attorney quickly to ensure that you’re treated fairly throughout the process.

Hiring an attorney that doesn’t specialize in Family Law

While it’s important to hire someone quickly, it’s more important to hire the right person. There are dozens of attorneys out there. Chances are you probably know an attorney. Not every lawyer should be trusted with your case. It’s important that you find an attorney that specializes in family law, has passed the bar, and has experience in dealing with cases like yours.

The attorney that you do hire should be able to give you some basic answers up front. Many people make the mistake of hiring an attorney that looks good on paper, but doesn’t give them the right information from the beginning. Whether it’s their financial policy or their strategy, a good attorney will always be transparent.

Hiring an attorney that you don’t trust

Finally, don’t make the mistake of hiring an attorney that you don’t feel comfortable with. You’re trusting your finances and the future of your family to your chosen lawyer. It’s important that you trust them and feel confident in their ability to represent you.

The Shah Law Group, located in Bethel Park, is your source for legal representation. Our practice was built on the philosophy that each client interaction should be handled carefully and efficiently. We continually strive for exceptional communication and compassion. No matter what your legal issues may be, trust the Shah Law Group to handle them.

Explore your legal options by visiting www.shahlawgroup.com.

My Spouse Left Me – Now What Do I Do?

Posted on by Kristen Anders Bojarski

I recently wrote an article that offered some guidance for the financially dependent spouse who wants to get out of an unhappy marriage. I talked about taking money out of the joint bank account, taking the kids, and filing for support.  But what do you do when you are on the other side of that scenario?

We’ve all heard this story.  It has happened to someone we know, an old friend or maybe a distant relative.  It goes like this: Some poor, unsuspecting chump gets up in the morning, kisses his wife and kids’ goodbye then goes off to spend the next 8 hours or so at his job like he does every other day.  But when he walks into his house at the end of that long hard day, he finds that the house is eerily empty and quiet.  The furniture is gone. The wife and kids are nowhere to be seen.  Even the cat is gone.  He instantly feels panicked and fears the worst.   Were they robbed?  Where was his family?  He runs upstairs to check the bedrooms.  The children’s rooms are mostly empty of furniture, clothes and toys.  That’s odd.  Why would a burglar take some dirty old kids clothes?   He runs into the master bedroom.  His wife’s clothes are gone, but his are still there hanging in the closet.  The bed is gone but his dresser remains.   With a sinking feeling, he walks into the bathroom off the master bedroom.  His wife’s things are missing.  Not even a toothbrush is left.  But his toothbrush is right where he left it that morning along with his other belongings.  At this point, the truth hits him like a crushing blow.  It is worse than being robbed.  His wife left him and she took the kids.

But why?  He thought they were happy. They had some troubles, sure, but so does every married couple.  How could she do this to him?  The kids?  This can’t be happening!  The next thing he knows, some big guy who looks like a cop is knocking at the door to serve him with a complaint in divorce and an order scheduling a hearing on child support and APL/spousal support.

Talk about your worst nightmare.  Unfortunately, I see this scenario happen every day.  When it does, it is often a complete shock.  This is something that only happens to other people, right?  Whether you genuinely believed your spouse was happy, or failed to see the signs that now seem so obvious in hindsight, it has happened to you.  Now what?

First, set up a meeting with a divorce lawyer.  Ask friends and family for a referral.  Next, do a little damage control and prevention.  Change the locks to the house. You don’t want your spouse coming back to the house when you are not there to take what little furniture you may have left or rifle through the legal documents your lawyer sends you.  If her name is on the deed, she is legally allowed to access the house, but changing the locks is often a good deterrent.

If you have joint bank accounts, close them.  Especially if your paychecks are being deposited into them.  Close all credit cards on which your spouse is an authorized user, even if it means you must agree to pay the balance.  Change all passwords to all password-protected accounts.  This includes, but is not limited to, your Apple or other phone accounts, emails, bills, online banking accounts, passcodes to all devices, etc.

Next, get your papers in order and prepare for the meeting with your lawyer.  Your lawyer will need to see tax returns and other pay information, statements on retirement accounts, investment accounts, etc.  If you were not the one in the marriage who handled the finances, now is the time to educate yourself on these matters.

When you have your initial meeting with the lawyer, talk to him or her about custody.  When your children are used to seeing you every day, it is extremely important to maintain regular contact.  Did your spouse take the children out of state, or move so far that it will prevent your ability to exercise your custody rights?  If so, your lawyer will need to immediately seek special relief from the court.  If not, you will want to file a complaint for custody in the county the children have lived in within the last 6 months.   Most counties in PA have a long and drawn out custody process.

In Allegheny County, we have the Generations Program which requires both parents (and children if they are old enough) to attend an Education session, then a Mediation session.  Mediation is scheduled 4-6 weeks after the initial custody complaint is filed.  If an agreement isn’t reached at mediation, then the parties attend a Generations Conciliation which is scheduled 4-6 weeks later.  If no agreement is reached there, then in another 4-6 weeks, another conciliation takes place, this time with the judge.  After that, another conciliation might be scheduled, but eventually the last stop is a custody trial.  The courts force people to go through these steps because they want parents to make their own decisions about their own kids, and it is very traumatic for parties and children to go through a custody trial.  Some cases are not possible to settle (Is your spouse a narcissist? If so, you may as well schedule a trial date), but most cases settle at some point during the process.  If your case ultimately goes to trial, expect it to take about a year for your custody case to be finalized from start to finish. If you ultimately settle at a conciliation, it will still take months.  Since it will likely take a long time to get a final custody order, ask the court for an interim (temporary) custody order.

If you do not have an agreement or interim custody order that enables the children to see you on a regular, if not equal basis, then a status quo custody situation is created.  Judges love to keep the status quo intact when the kids seem to be doing OK.  It’s safe.  Make sure that you are part of the status quo.

              Finally, make sure you are taking care of yourself.  You’ve just gone through a terrible shock.  You likely feel stressed, depressed and anxious about the future.  Don’t worry.  You can (and will) get through it if you help yourself.  Eat healthy and exercise.  Try to get the appropriate amount of sleep.  Don’t hesitate to get into counseling if needed.  Do whatever you have to do to get your mind right.  You are going to be making decisions about your children, finances, etc. that will affect you for years to come.  You must be able to make these decisions based on logic rather than emotion.

Your wife, furniture and cat might be gone forever, but if you follow these steps, you are on your way to maintaining a loving relationship with your children and protecting your assets.  This does not have to the tragic end to your story.  In fact, it is not the end of your story at all.

It is a new beginning.

How to Take Those First Steps Towards Leaving an Unhappy Marriage

Posted on by Kristen Anders Bojarski

It is January, which is affectionately known by family law lawyers as divorce season. More than any other month, internet search engines experience a surge of people searching for information relating to divorce.  Divorce is a life changing and often traumatic event in one’s life; the very thought of leaving behind the life you’ve known can be overwhelming.  How are you supposed to make a decision that will substantially impact you, your spouse, children and even extended family members without first consulting the internet?  As a compulsive googler myself, I understand the lure of a free and anonymous internet search, especially when you are desperate for answers about something.  But I can tell you that the internet does not have all of the answers you need to make informed decisions.  Only an experienced and capable family law lawyer can do that after meeting with you and learning the facts of your unique circumstances.

When I first meet with a client who is considering leaving an unhappy marriage, they often don’t know where to start for fear of unknown consequences. This is especially true of the financially dependent spouse. They don’t know if they can afford to go out on their own, especially with young children. They fear giving up their rights, or financial or custody-related retaliation by their spouse.  When I’m feeling overwhelmed, nothing eases my anxiety better than coming up with a well-thought out plan to attack the problems I’m facing, and that is what I help my clients do.   If you are in an unhappy marriage, but have no idea where to start, this quick and general guide to taking those first steps is for you:

Divorce – to file or not to file? In some cases, however, it does make sense to file for divorce right away. It depends on the circumstances. Make sure to talk to your lawyer about your options.

When I meet with a client for the first time, one of the first things I decide is whether to file for divorce right away. For a financially dependent spouse, it is generally better not to file for divorce right away, and this can be for several reasons. For instance, once you are divorced, you cannot be covered under your spouse’s health insurance any longer. Finding affordable healthcare, even through employment, is a common problem. In those cases, if makes sense to delay the divorce for as long as possible to keep health insurance coverage.

Money – If you are not working outside of the home, do you have education or skills that will enable you to get a self-supporting job? If not, will child and spousal support (if applicable) be enough for you to live on, maybe with a part or full-time minimum wage job, on a temporary basis? Come up with a budget and stick with it as best you can. If you do not have the skills or education to support yourself, now is the time to come up with a plan to become self-supporting. Child support doesn’t last forever, and alimony usually doesn’t either. Think about what you are interested in. Look into the programs offered at the local community college. See what job training is available in your area, or even look into that graduate program you put on the backburner to start a family.The next thing I talk to my clients about is their income situation. If you want to leave your marriage, you must first take a long and hard look at your finances as this will determine where you (and your children if you have any) will be able to live when you and your spouse separate. Do you want to stay in the marital residence? Can you afford the mortgage, taxes, insurances, rent, etc. based on what you earn? If not, will you be able to afford to live in the house, with spousal and child support (if you are entitled to receive them) to supplement your income or lack thereof? In many cases, both incomes of the parties are needed to make the monthly mortgage payment.

Decide where to live – If remaining in the marital residence is not an option, either financially or legally, you should strongly consider staying with family or friends. Moving out of the marital residence does not mean you give up your legal rights to the marital residence. Whether you live there or not, you still have an interest in the property meaning any equity will be distributed in some way once the marital assets are divided later on through the divorce process. This is a question I get asked all of the time.

The children’s school district is also a major factor to take into consideration for most cases where shared custody is going to be an issue. If you can’t afford to live anywhere else but with family, and your family lives so far away that it would be difficult for your spouse to exercise custody rights, do not make any moves without consulting a lawyer first.

Once I help my client analyze their income and budget, I help them decide where they should live. Once you’ve done the same analysis, can you afford to reside in the marital residence? If so, is your spouse willing to leave? If not and the deed to the house is in both names, you can’t just kick your spouse out. There are ways to gain exclusive possession of the marital residence (a topic for another day), but it is usually easier and cheaper to move out of the marital residence yourself.

The move If this is not an amicable separation, or domestic violence is an issue, then I suggest moving out without telling the other spouse. You should still schedule the moving date, and have people to help you, but wait to move until your spouse is at work or out of town. Take whatever furniture, household goods, Christmas decorations, heirlooms, etc. that is important to you and/or will be necessary to set up a new home for yourself and/or your children. You may feel guilty pulling a surprise move like this, but if it will avoid a major conflict, or someone getting hurt, it’s worth it. If reaching an amicable custody agreement is not possible, and you are the primary caretaker of the children, take them with you when you leave.

This may induce your spouse to file a complaint for custody, but don’t be alarmed by that. If that happens, the courts won’t automatically hand your children over to your spouse, assuming that the children are not in danger in your custody. It just means that you and your spouse will go through the court process to establish a custody order, whether by agreement or court order, that is hopefully best for your children.

Once you figured out your finances, and have decided where you are going to live, the next step is to plan the move. Schedule a move-in date and enlist family and friends to help you. Is this an amicable, mutually-agreed upon separation? If so, try to reach an agreement with your spouse ahead of time as far as how the furniture and household goods are going to be divided. If you have children, it would be ideal if you and your spouse could come up with a custody arrangement prior to moving.

File for child and spousal support Right before you move out of the marital residence, see if you can withdraw funds from joint bank accounts, CD’s investments, etc. Don’t feel bad about it; you have to support yourself, you are entitled to joint funds; besides, and any funds you take will just be considered as an advance to you later. While anyone can file a complaint for support at the Domestic Relations Section of the court in their county, you should not go to the support conference/hearing alone. Hire an attorney to represent you.

Immediately after you move out of the house, file for child and spousal support if you are entitled to it. In Allegheny and Washington counties of PA where I practice, it generally takes 4-6 weeks after a complaint in support is filed for a support conference/hearing to be scheduled, and then up to another 30 days after the court date for the wage attachment to take effect. For that reason, plan to not have any support monies for about 2 months.

Help your childrenIf your children are struggling, seek counseling for them or reach out to the guidance counselor at school for support. Be patient. While the adjustment to their changed lives may take some time, it’s worth it for the children to come home from school to a happy, tension-free home each day.

Once you separate from your spouse, help your children with the transition. Talk to your children, help them understand what is happening and encourage them to confide in you about their feelings. Never speak badly about your spouse to the children; it will make them feel awful. Instead, assure them that they are loved by both parents and that the separation is not their fault. It is true that children are resilient, but the transition will be a lot easier for them if their parents can be civil.

Decisions on when to file for divorce (if you and your attorney decide to wait), how to split assets/debts, permanent custody arrangements, etc., will come later. For now, I hope this general guide helps you to come up with a sound, logical plan towards making that huge decision to leave an unhappy marriage.  When you are ready, or you are feeling overwhelmed, meet with a family law attorney.  He or she will help you come up with a plan so that you can be prepared to take those first steps.

My Attorney Isn’t Doing What I Tell Her to Do – Isn’t She Supposed to be Working for Me?

Posted on by Barbara J. Shah

The question of how an attorney goes about representing a client is not a simple one. On the issue of loyalty, there is no question; if the attorney cannot be trusted to look out for his or her client’s best interests, that is an attorney-client relationship that should no longer continue. The attorney owes the client the duty of absolute loyalty, and if there is a question of who the attorney owes loyalty to, the attorney should step aside. This includes situations where someone else other than the client is paying the bill; the attorney can and must focus on what is good for the actual client and cannot share information with or take instructions from anyone else, without the client’s express permission.

The issue generally presents itself in a different way, that is, the client lays out a course of action that they want to be followed or a legal position they want to take, to the attorney, and the attorney disagrees with the client’s request. Is an attorney required to do whatever the client instructs them to do? The simple and easy answer to the question is “no,” because the Rules of Professional Conduct adopted by the PA Supreme Court are binding on all attorneys licensed to practice law in PA, and these rules prohibit certain actions by an attorney which are considered to be prejudicial to the system of justice. We are not permitted to (individually or through others) present perjured testimony, file lawsuits which have no justification, or intimidate witnesses, to name just a few.

But beyond that easy answer regarding not taking actions prohibited by rules of conduct, is another answer which is much more difficult, and one which distills the essence of the attorney-client relationship. What are attorneys really supposed to do for their clients? One clue can be found in the rarely-used synonym for lawyer, “counselor.”

What a lawyer should be doing for his or her client is listening closely to all aspects of the problem which brought the client to the lawyer in the first place, and then giving a reasoned analysis of that client’s situation and the options available to the client for resolving the problem.  These options must include an analysis of personal factors, including costs, which limit the options available to the client. If there are children involved, the lawyer must consider and discuss with the client the effect on the children of the exercise of each option available to the client. It means that the lawyer must have an extensive “toolbox.” There is no one-size-fits-all solution to every problem. Each client situation or problem has its own unique issues.

Then the lawyer must counsel the client on his or her recommendations for solutions of the client’s problem. Most people have heard the old saying, “a good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows the judge.” I finally came to peace with that saying; for years I thought it meant that a lawyer should develop some sort of “buddy” relationship with a judge to seek to influence his or her decisions because of their personal relationship, and I thought it was a repugnant idea. However, I finally came to understand what the saying means. It doesn’t mean that there should be a personal relationship between the lawyer and the judge; it means that the lawyer needs to take time to understand how the judge thinks about a particular kind of case by being attentive in that judge’s courtroom, talking to the lawyer’s colleagues, and studying the judge’s decisions, to be able to predict, with some degree of certainty, how a judge will rule on a particular type of case or in a particular situation.

When counseling a client, if rulings of the judge of the case (or the general attitude of the local bench on a particular kind of case) are known to the lawyer, the lawyer must make it clear to the client that certain types of actions will not be tolerated by the court, or that certain actions are much more likely to achieve the result the client desires to attain. No lawyer should simply be a “mouthpiece” for the client without undertaking such an analysis of the potential outcomes for a course of action. If in the lawyer’s learned analysis a course of action the client is proposing would not achieve the desired result, it is the lawyer’s job to say “No.”

If the client doesn’t like what the lawyer says, he or she can move on and look for a lawyer who tells them what they want to hear. However, in the end the results will most likely leave the client unhappy. Lawyers, have courage! Clients, be smart! There is a difference between lawyers, and the truth is, if the lawyer is telling the client something they don’t want to hear, then that is very likely a great lawyer.